The call usually comes at an odd hour. If you live in London, Toronto or New Jersey, the news of a death in the family arrives across time zones, and with it a flood of questions you may never have had to answer before: How many days do we mourn? Can I eat normally? Do I fly home? What happens on the thirteenth day? This guide answers them calmly, one by one.

One detail surprised me while checking the texts: the day the scripture treats as most important is not the thirteenth at all. And in one Rajasthan village, families stopped immersing ashes in rivers generations ago. Both are further down.

How long is the Hindu mourning period?

The Hindu mourning period is usually 10 to 13 days. The Manusmriti, in G. Bühler’s translation, sets ten days of ritual impurity for close family (5.59). The Garuda Purana prefers the twelfth day for the rite that joins the departed to the ancestors (chapter 13). The name “terahvi” — the thirteenth-day gathering that closes mourning — comes from family custom. Which number your family follows depends on its community, so the honest answer is: ask your elders, and expect 10, 12 or 13 days.

At a glance:

  1. Mourning (sutak / ashaucha): 10 days in the Manusmriti; 12 or 13 days in many communities.
  2. Avoid: meat, celebrations, weddings and new purchases; sleep simply and eat simple food.
  3. Abroad: if the news reaches you after ten days, a bath in your clothes is the purification the Manusmriti gives.
  4. Ashes: collected on the fourth day in the Garuda Purana; carrying them to India needs papers from the crematorium and the Indian embassy or consulate.
  5. Pagdi: the eldest son is given a turban as the new head of the family, on the fourth, twelfth or thirteenth day.

What not to do (and what not to eat) after a death in a Hindu family

I checked the Manusmriti (chapter 5, tr. G. Bühler, courtesy: sacred-texts.com) and the Garuda Purana (tr. Ernest Wood and S. V. Subrahmanyam, courtesy: sacred-texts.com). Here is what they say, separated from what is family custom:

Do notWhere it comes from
Eat meatManusmriti 5.73
Eat food with “factitious” (manufactured) saltManusmriti 5.73
Sleep in your usual bed — sleep separately on the groundManusmriti 5.73; Garuda Purana, chapter 11
Hold weddings, thread ceremonies or other auspicious rites before the twelfth-day riteGaruda Purana, chapter 13 (verses 31–33)
Eat food already cooked in the house on the day of the cremationGaruda Purana, chapter 10 (verse 62)
Celebrate festivals, buy new clothes or jewelleryFamily custom

What to eat: simple vegetarian home food. The Garuda Purana asks the son performing the rites to eat once a day (chapter 11). Many families eat plain dal, rice and vegetables with little or no spice. A specific clock time for meals during sutak, which many people search for, was not found in the chapters I checked.

Who is not bound by mourning? Manusmriti 5.93 says ritual impurity does not fall on a king or on someone in the middle of a vow or sacrifice. It also gives shorter periods for those outside the household: three days for a teacher (5.80), one day for a fellow student (5.71), one night for a maternal uncle, pupil or family priest (5.81).

A low wooden table covered in white cloth with a photo frame turned away and draped in a white flower garland, a lit brass diya, a bowl of rice, tulsi leaves and a vase of white flowers — AI-generated image (Roopalia)
A simple corner at home: the photo, a garland, a diya and water for the thirteen days.

Hearing of a death in India while you live abroad

This exact situation is in the Manusmriti. For a relative who lives in a distant country:

  1. If the news arrives within ten days, you observe mourning only for the days that remain of the ten (5.75).
  2. If the news arrives after ten days, a bath taken with your clothes on is the purification (5.77).
  3. If a year has passed, a bath alone is enough (5.76).

In practice: set up a small corner at home with a photo, a diya and a glass of water; offer water with black sesame each morning; join the family’s condolence gathering on a video call; and on the thirteenth day, cook a simple meal and give something in the name of the person you lost. If you cannot fly home, you are not failing them — the text itself allows for the distance.

Hands wearing a kusha grass ring on the ring finger pouring water mixed with black sesame into a brass plate on white cloth, a copper lota, a bowl of sesame, white flowers and a lit lamp beside it — AI-generated image (Roopalia)
Tarpan with black sesame and water — a rite you can do in any kitchen or balcony.

What happens at a Hindu funeral in the UK, USA or Canada?

A Hindu funeral is called antyesti (“last sacrifice”) — the cremation rite. Outside India, the open pyre is replaced by a crematorium, but the family can still do most of the rites.

  1. Register the death first. In England and Wales, GOV.UK (After a death) says the death must be registered within 5 days of the medical examiner’s confirmation (8 days in Scotland). You then receive the “green form”, which goes to the funeral director or crematorium. Rules differ in the US and Canada by state and province; your funeral director will guide you.
  2. Prepare the body. Wikipedia (Antyesti) describes the body being washed and wrapped in white cloth for a man or a widow, and red for a married woman whose husband is living. Ask your funeral director whether the family can take part.
  3. The chant. As the body is carried, families say “Ram naam satya hai” — “the name of Rama is the truth”. Wikipedia (Ramanama) notes it is commonly chanted while carrying a body to cremation.
  4. Mukhagni. Ask the crematorium in advance how much time you will have for prayers and whether the family can start the cremation themselves.
  5. Open-air cremation in the UK? According to Wikipedia (Antyesti), a traditional outdoor pyre was long held to be illegal in Britain; a later Court of Appeal ruling allowed cremation inside a building open to the sky. Facilities for this are rare, so most families use a regular crematorium.
  6. What to wear. Mourners usually wear white or plain, muted clothes; it is a family custom, so follow what the family asks.
A calm memorial room with light wooden walls, white lilies and marigolds on a table with a white cloth, a tall lit brass lamp, rows of chairs and a large window onto green trees — AI-generated image (Roopalia)
A crematorium memorial room set up with marigolds and a brass lamp.

Taking ashes to India from the UK, USA or Canada

Many families still want the ashes immersed in the Ganga, at the ghat where their family’s ancestral priests (pandas) keep the family records. The Indian Embassy in Berlin lists the papers it asks for (transportation of human ashes to India), and they are a good checklist anywhere:

Check the current rules with the Indian embassy or consulate where you live, and with your airline, before you book.

At misty sunrise a man in a white kurta, seen from behind, sits on stone river steps releasing marigold petals onto calm water — AI-generated image (Roopalia)
Dawn at a river ghat — where many families take the ashes.

What are the 13 days of mourning in Hinduism? Day by day

DayWhat happensSource
Day 1Cremation; mourners bathe and offer water with sesame; no food already cooked in the houseGaruda Purana 10 (vv. 60–62)
Days 1–12A lamp facing south where the person diedGaruda Purana 10 (v. 63)
Days 1–10A rice ball (pinda) and water each day; the son eats once and sleeps on the groundGaruda Purana, chapter 11
Day 3–4Collecting the bones (asthi sanchay); in many places the uthala or uthavna gatheringGaruda Purana 10 (v. 67); custom
Day 10Head-shaving for the son and other relativesGaruda Purana 11 (vv. 37–38)
Day 11Ekadashah — rice ball, gifts, a Brahmin fedGaruda Purana, chapter 12
Day 12Sapindikaran — joining the departed to the ancestors; in many places the pagdi ceremonyGaruda Purana 13 (vv. 28–34); custom
Day 13Terahvi — prayers, a meal and the formal end of mourningCustom (no feast rule found in these chapters)

What is the pagdi ceremony?

In the pagdi (turban) ceremony, the next eldest living man — usually the eldest son — is given a turban in front of the community after the death of the family’s eldest man. Wikipedia (Indian rituals after death) says Rasam Pagri appoints the heir and usually takes place on the fourth day after the funeral, a day also called uthala; the Hindi Wikipedia adds that it may be held on the thirteenth day and is practised by Hindu, Sikh and Muslim families alike. The turban stands for the family’s honour, which now rests on his head.

According to the experience of families in Rajasthan and Haryana, the pagdi is traditionally tied on the twelfth day; many families now hold it on the seventh, and some on the thirteenth. There is no single rule: each community keeps its own. In the same villages, many people take turns carrying the bier and chant “Ram naam satya hai” all the way; for someone who lived to around eighty, the procession may even include bhajans with a dholak.

In an earthen courtyard in Rajasthan, elders in white sit on striped durries as an old man ties a saffron turban on a middle-aged man sitting with folded hands — AI-generated image (Roopalia)
The pagdi ceremony: responsibility passes to the next generation.

Is the death feast (mrityu bhoj) banned?

Yes, in Rajasthan. The Rajasthan Prevention of Mrityu Bhoj Act, 1960 is listed on the Government of India’s India Code portal, with section 3 prohibiting death feasts and section 4 setting the punishment. According to a legal explainer on the iPleaders law blog, the penalty is up to one year in prison, a fine of up to one thousand rupees, or both, and local officials such as the sarpanch and patwari must report such feasts. Many families still hold them, but many communities and clans in Rajasthan and Haryana have stopped them by collective decision. A claim that Rajasthan was “the first state” to ban the practice could not be verified, so it is not repeated here.

Steel plates of dal, rice, vegetables, puris and a small sweet set on a white cloth on the floor, with folded white cloths and a sack of grain kept aside for donation and a brass lamp behind — AI-generated image (Roopalia)
A simple thirteenth-day meal, with cloth and grain set aside to give away.

And then there is Lamba ki Dhani. In this village of about 105 households in the Taranagar tehsil of Churu district, Rajasthan, local news reports say the villagers decided together, decades ago, that ashes would not be immersed in any river: whatever bones remain after cremation are burned again to ash. The same village has not held a death feast in all that time.

It is not a verdict on anyone’s tradition. It is a reminder that mourning customs have always been shaped by communities — and can be reshaped by them.

A condolence message for a shok baithak

Announcing the gathering: “With deep sorrow we inform you that our beloved [name] passed away on [day]. A prayer and condolence meeting (shok baithak) will be held at [place] on [day] at [time]. — The [family name] family”

To the family: “I was deeply saddened to hear about [name]. May their soul rest in peace, and may you all find strength in this difficult time. 🙏”

What the Garuda Purana actually says about the 13 days

Search results often claim that “the soul stays at home for 13 days” and that “the rice balls build the soul’s body”. I checked these against the Garuda Purana, in the abridged translation by Ernest Wood and S. V. Subrahmanyam (chapter 1, courtesy: sacred-texts.com):

Chapter 13 (vv. 28–34) is where the twelfth day becomes central: the sages list four possible times for sapindikaran — the twelfth day, the third fortnight, the sixth month or the end of the year — and the text prefers the twelfth day in the Kali age. The same chapter (vv. 122–126) praises hearing the Garuda Purana, but a rule that it must be read during these thirteen days was not in the chapters I checked. That is family custom, and a comforting one.

ClaimResult
Rice balls form a new body over ten daysFound — Garuda Purana 1 (vv. 47–53)
On the thirteenth day the departed begins the journey to YamaFound — Garuda Purana 1 (v. 55)
The soul stays at home for 13 daysNot found word for word
Twelfth day preferred for sapindikaranFound — Garuda Purana 13 (vv. 28–34)
Thirteen Brahmins must be fedNumber not found
Ten days of impurity for close familyFound — Manusmriti 5.59
A fixed meal time during sutakNot found

For related rites at home, see havan at home without a pandit and puja at home without a temple nearby. For the monthly day of remembering ancestors, read what not to do on Amavasya.

The short version: The thirteen days are for grieving slowly, not for getting every rule right. The texts I checked give ten days of impurity, the bones collected on the fourth day, and the twelfth-day rite as the key moment; the terahvi meal, the pagdi and the shok baithak are customs your community shaped. If you are far from home, the Manusmriti itself makes room for you: a bath, a diya, water with sesame, and remembering them well is enough.

Disclaimer: This article is for general information. References have been checked against published translations and reliable sources, and customs vary by family and region — follow your elders or family priest. All images in this article are AI-generated as examples for illustration only; they do not show real people, places or events. It is not medical, legal or astrological advice. Before lighting a diya or havan, check your lease and local fire-safety rules.

Frequently asked questions

How long is the Hindu mourning period?
The Hindu mourning period is usually 10 to 13 days. The Manusmriti (5.59, tr. G. Bühler) gives ten days of ritual impurity for close family members. The Garuda Purana prefers the twelfth day for sapindikaran, the rite that joins the departed to the ancestors, and many families end mourning with a gathering on the thirteenth day (terahvi). Shorter periods apply to people outside the household: three days for a teacher, one day for a fellow student and one night for a maternal uncle, pupil or family priest. Communities differ, so the practical answer is to follow your family’s custom.
What should you not do after a death in a Hindu family?
During the mourning days the family traditionally does not eat meat, avoids food with manufactured salt and sleeps separately on the ground (Manusmriti 5.73). The Garuda Purana, in the translation by Ernest Wood and S. V. Subrahmanyam, says weddings, thread ceremonies and other auspicious rites should wait until the twelfth-day rite (chapter 13), and that on the day of cremation the family should not eat food already cooked in the house (chapter 10). By custom, families also avoid festivals, parties and buying new clothes or jewellery. Rules on exact meal times were not found in these texts. Every community has its own customs, so follow your elders.
What happens on the 13th day after death in Hinduism?
The thirteenth day, terahvi, formally ends the mourning period. Families usually hold prayers, feed relatives, priests or people in need, give gifts in the name of the departed and, in many North Indian families, perform the pagdi ceremony. In the Garuda Purana (chapter 1, v. 55, tr. Wood and Subrahmanyam), the thirteenth day is when the departed, bound by Yama’s messengers, begins the onward journey. The same text, however, treats the twelfth day as the key rite (sapindikaran), and a thirteenth-day feast was not found in its chapters on death rites. Terahvi is therefore best understood as a widely followed custom built around the scriptural twelfth-day rite.
What is the pagdi ceremony after a death?
The pagdi (turban) ceremony, or Rasam Pagri, marks the next eldest living man — usually the eldest son — as the new head of the family after the death of its eldest man. Relatives and the community gather, an elder ties a turban on his head, and the family’s honour and responsibilities pass to him. Wikipedia says it usually takes place on the fourth day after the funeral, called uthala, while the Hindi Wikipedia adds the thirteenth day and notes that Hindu, Sikh and Muslim families all observe it. In Rajasthan and Haryana it is traditionally held on the twelfth day; many families now hold it earlier, on the seventh.
Can Hindus have an open-air cremation in the UK?
Very rarely. According to Wikipedia’s article on Antyesti, a traditional outdoor pyre was long considered illegal in Britain, and a later Court of Appeal ruling allowed cremation in a building open to the sky. Such facilities are uncommon, so most Hindu families in the UK use a regular crematorium. You first register the death — in England and Wales within 5 days of the medical examiner’s confirmation (8 days in Scotland), according to GOV.UK — and receive the green form for the funeral director or crematorium. Ask the crematorium beforehand how much time you will have for prayers and whether the family can begin the cremation as mukhagni.
How do I take ashes to India from abroad?
Get the papers ready first. The Indian Embassy in Berlin lists what it asks for: a request letter from a family member, the death certificate, the cremation certificate, a letter from the crematorium confirming the box holds only ashes, the passport, PIO or OCI card of the person who died, and flight details, with English translations where needed. The embassy attests these documents. Requirements vary by country, so check with the Indian embassy or consulate where you live and with your airline before booking. In India, many families take the ashes to the ghat where their ancestral priests keep the family records.
What if a family member dies in India while I live abroad?
The Manusmriti (5.75–77, tr. G. Bühler) covers this exact case. If you hear the news within ten days, you observe mourning only for the days that remain. If you hear after ten days, a bath taken with your clothes on is the purification; after a year, a bath alone. You can keep the rest of the thirteen days at home: a photo with a garland, a diya, water with black sesame each morning, simple vegetarian food, joining the shok baithak on a video call, and a simple meal with a donation on the thirteenth day. Not being able to travel does not mean you have failed in your duty.
Is the death feast (mrityu bhoj) banned in India?
In Rajasthan, yes. The Rajasthan Prevention of Mrityu Bhoj Act, 1960, listed on the Government of India’s India Code portal, prohibits death feasts (section 3) and sets a penalty (section 4). According to a legal explainer on the iPleaders law blog, the punishment can be up to one year in prison, a fine of up to one thousand rupees, or both. Feasts still happen in places, but many communities and clans in Rajasthan and Haryana have ended them by collective decision, and the village of Lamba ki Dhani in Churu district has not held one for decades, according to local news reports. Many families now hold a small meal and donate the rest.

Sources and cautions: sources consulted — Garuda Purana (Saroddhara), chapters 1, 10, 11, 12 and 13 (tr. Ernest Wood and S. V. Subrahmanyam, courtesy: sacred-texts.com); Manusmriti, chapter 5 (tr. G. Bühler, courtesy: sacred-texts.com); Wikipedia (Indian rituals after death; Ramanama; Antyesti; Hindi Wikipedia: Rasam Pagri); India Code (Rajasthan Prevention of Mrityu Bhoj Act); penalty details from the iPleaders law blog, cited in words only; GOV.UK (After a death); Embassy of India, Berlin. Lamba ki Dhani is described from local news reports, so no link is given. The procession, pyre and pagdi customs are from the experience of families in Rajasthan and Haryana. Three things should be said plainly. First, “the soul stays at home for 13 days”, a fixed number of Brahmins, a meal time during sutak and a “first state” to ban death feasts were not found; that is the result of a search, not a final verdict. Second, every family and community has its own customs; follow your elders and priest. Third, the legal and travel information is general, not legal advice; check current rules with the authorities. No brand or shop is recommended.

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